Being a Mom

I remember when my first born was first born and I found it very difficult. I was an 'older' Mom, meaning only that I was so used to my independence and not having to 'check in' with anyone - that I could go off at a moment's notice wherever and whenever I wanted. But what I found harder is that people kept telling me how easy the first few months were compared to when they get older. 'It doesn't get easier, it just gets different' was a lot of answers. Now I know what they mean. It is easier from a standpoint of not having to change them, dress them, play with them, feed them, etc., but you need to become more of a teacher, mediator and disciplinarian as well as just being there with hugs and kisses. It's not easy and it's hard when your kid starts to rebel and become his own man. They start ignoring requests, not listening, throwing and dropping toys and clothes randomly around the house and most of all, they develop their own sense of what and how they want to do things. And you can only sit back and try and guide them without them knowing it. You don't want to push too hard, but you don't want to push too little, you don't want to give too much guidance, or too little. It becomes, cerebrally, more difficult. I've got one of each now, and I can see how people prefer the litte ones. They just want hugs, kisses and cuddles and they're excited about every little discvery and everything they do is new and exciting and ... innocent. Easy, kind of.

I'm now used to not having that freedom I used to. It's different, not necessarily hard anymore. I do like having time to myself but I love my kids. Even the older one. I used to think the sun revolved around him (sort of, just such unconditional love) and now he drives me crazy, but I still love him to bits. That's life, I guess!