I miss the Sea

I know now what yearning feels like. What a word, yearning. I yearn for the Sea. I don't know why exactly. Usually it's in the deep winter here when it's dark and cold and frozen and if there is water, it's frozen 6 feet deep. But it's sunny out and warm enough to sit in the garden and BBQ and have a pina colada (Mmmmm), but yet I still just yearn to be by the Sea, and it doesn't even need to be perfect weather. A storm and the waves lashing out, wind blowing my wet salty hair in my face, or a hot sunny day splashing in the waves and taking cover under the beach umbrella. Either is good for me. I must be a beach bum at heart. And it might not even need to be the Sea, it might just be a nice big lake with a sandy shore... I don't know, I haven't been around any water other than big ponds that were formed because we've had so much snow.

I keep watching this stupid HGTV (home and garden television) which shows people buying property all over the world, and I get extremely jealous when I see people buying property on beautiful beach fronts, islands or S. american tropical countries. Why can't that be me!?!? And should I just give up all monetary wealth (not that we have much) and go live by the Sea? Should I just take a 2-week vacation and get it out of my system. I'd probably be pining for snow after that! The grass is always greener. Such wisdom in that statement. Simple, but profound.

Anyway, I've done lots of hugs, kisses and loving phrases to my son today. A couple of verbal warnings and such as well, but discpline shows love as well - as long as it's tempered by lots of shows of affection. Even my little girl has been a wonderful huggable creature today (well, she always is). Ahh, life is almost perfect . . . if only I were by a beach!

Hum drum day

After my relevation last night, the day started off on a bit of a melancholy note. I don't really feel close to my husband right now, and I suppose that makes me feel sort of lonely. I still have yet to master not yelling or speaking harshly to my 5-year old. I think sometimes that he is too much like me and that we butt heads over that, but lots of love, lots of love, that's all I have to remember.

I need a nap and then perhaps I'll function a bit better. Life is good, my children are great and I've got nothing to complain about. All I'm missing is a little romantic love, I get plenty of the other kind from my kids ;)

But I'm also missing a little bit of tender loving care. I don't get that so much from them, although my 10-month old was pulling my hair a bit and I thought it felt so nice to have someone to play with my hair. That and feet massages are absolute heaven. I can count on one hand the amount of times i got that from my hubby in the last 5 years. Reflection on him, not me I hope.

Oh oh, better go, girl's back and not happy.

My husband's annoying habits

I try and see the bright side, really I do, but sometimes I just get overwhelmed by the 'dark' side. I think I've discovered today that my husband is a bit passive-aggressive. We have different taste in music - very different taste. He like british boy bands of the 90's (read: Oasis and everyone who sounds like them) and I think they sound like a bunch of whiny teenagers singing the same tune with different words thrown in here and there. Anyway, back to the point. Whenever we're having a tiff, or he's annoyed about something, I find (after about 15-30 minutes of listening to really annoying music) that he's gone and changed the Ipod to something he really likes and something he knows I really dislike. Sometimes it's heavy metal (which is all right, just not when you're trying to play with your two small children and it's banging in the background, turned UP!) but more often it's a band (Oasis, Wildhearts...) that are my worst. He's also got a playlist that he made up for when he's mad at me full of sarcastic tunes and again music I don't like. He doesn't say anything - it's his passive way of making him feel like he's won a point.

The whole reason he gets in these moods is that he's ***ing lazy. But he's only lazy when it comes to anything that has to do with something besides him. Like if he wanted to go play hockey or go fishing, well he'd have all that organized well ahead of time, a lunch packed and he'd be out the door ON TIME. When it comes to feeding the kids or cleaning or doing the dishes, well then he's as slow as mud, always late and complains all the while. His favorite is 'the house is such a tip, can't you put anything away?' when I've just done a load of laundry, fed the kids, vacuumed the floor, picked up all the toys, etc. etc. Once it's clean - doesn't mean it's going to stay clean. But by far the biggest annoyance is that I feel (and see and hear) that as much as possible he avoids doing anything with the kids. I have to complain about having them all the time (which I don't like complaining about, 'cause they're wonderful amazing kids and it's not like they're a foot fungus or something) and then he'll step up and do something. And then when he does, he's 'including' them in what he's doing, he's not actually doing something with them. No wonder they prefer their mom. Like for example yesterday. He went out in the yard with his daughter, put her in her swing, gave her a push and then proceeded to play soccer by himself. I looked out the window at one point and she wasn't even swinging anymore. I wanted to cry just then... here I thought is the most adorable little girl, happy and smiling and he's not even paying any attention to her. How pathetic.

Knackered

A good English word to describe how I'm feeling today. And such a beautiful day out... such a waste really. It was one of those days which was a good day - well behaved children, fun out in the yard, husband off work - but yet I couldn't enjoy it. I was too tired and had a headache. And I don't get headaches very often, so when I do, they seriously annoy me!

Oh well, we do what we can - have a good night's sleep (if possible) and hope for an even better day tomorrow. It did also help to remind myself a few times today as I saw my kids smiling or laughing or hugging me, that I was blessed to have this life, so for the next 10 or so minutes I did have some renewed energy. It quickly faded again though! Oh and a bit of hostility or animosity towards the better half as he wasn't the biggest help today. I think I get very annoyed with him because his idea of helping out doesn't really. Thing is, in my mind he's doing as little as he can with the kids and I think in his mind, he's trying to make things easier for us. Also it was his day off work today, although I was still somehow 'working' (doing dishes, laundry, cooking, taking care of kids, etc) and I didn't get a day off - but again if I remind myself that he's a lot better than most and that he's trying in his own (inept ;) way, then at least I shouldn't feel angry - perhaps slightly frustrated. Oh well, it's just one of those days. Tomorrow will be much better - right?

My father

I know in life that we struggle with a lot of things. The biggest is usually to do with personality and relationships with our family. I also know that even though we are born with a certain set of characteristics (including personality traits) that we do also 'inherit' them from one or both of our parents. Problem is that I just plain don't like my Dad. Oh I see the good in him sometimes - he can be very helpful (when he wants to be) and likes to explain things (on and on and on and I think only because he's insecure and needs everyone to know how smart he thinks he is), but the worst part of all of it is... I think I'm a bit like him.

So how do I accept that part of me? Or even harder, how do I change that part of me?? Last night I was at a function where I offered my nutritional services advice and no one took it. Now is that because no one needed it? Is it because no one wanted it from me? Is it because no one likes me? Part of me - the one that puts the wall up, becomes defensive and says, 'well I'm not too keen on this group either', but you know what - I find myself using that explanation quite a lot when I find myself on the outside of groups. Everywhere that my husband has been posted, I have stayed out of that inner circle of wives/girlfriends, etc. I don't know if that's because they're just not my type, or if I choose to do that (however consciously or subconsciouly) or if there's just something about me that people don't like. And if there is, do I say 'whatever, it's their choice' or do I make a concerted effort to change the way I appear to the outward world? Maybe some of all of them. I certainly don't have a lot in common with the people that I live in the village with - but one of my best best friends of all time (in fact a couple of my very good friends) and I have nothing in common and that seems to be what draws us together. Am I being a snob and is it showing?

I'm a bit sad and down because of this. And then I see a lof of my father in me and it makes me angry. I don't want to be that self-obsessed, angry, child-like, impatient man that treats my mother like dirt. That cares only about himself, that puts his needs above even those of his children. I know that I don't share all of his qualities (I definitely don't put the needs of myself above my children and usually not even of my husband), but I do find myself being childlike, being impatient, not noticing other people - forgetting faces, names, etc. and I am not proud of that. But how do I change it? And do I now that almost half my life has passed me by in my current condition and I'm not all that upset or sad by it.

Often when I'm selfless and do things for other people, I get dissapointed because I see that whatever I did out of selflessness was not at all that well received or important to whomever I did it for. Does that mean I didn't do it out of selflessness or does that mean I let people take advantage of me? I don't know. It's not an easy answer and definitely NOT an easy fix. I think I sometimes try too hard to be nice and friendly and it ends up coming across needy and sometimes (like Dave often points out) that I come across too harsh (maybe like my German heritage) and get people's backs up. And I know that once I utter those words, I can't take them back. I did something last year that I'm not sorry about, I only wish that I'd said it more 'constructively', because the person I said it to has never really spoken to me since. It was about a 'family day' which really wasn't - the kids were not allowed to play on the play structures much. It was like sending kids to Disneyland and saying you only have 15 minutes to enjoy all the rides. And I said as much. But, like Dave said, I could have said it a lot more nicely - I think if I would have put myself in the woman's shoes and thought about the hard work that she did to even set it all up, I could have said something positive and then maybe followed it up with a ... but.

Anyway - I'm starting to learn that I can't go back and I can't take things back and regret is an ugly ugly word -so I forgive myself and move on. If someone had said that to me, I would have probably been upset and perhaps angry by it, but I don't harbor week, month, year long grudges and I always give people second chances, so maybe that's what I shoud be thinking when I see those people ignore me or not bring me into their circle. Perhaps it's a circle I don't want to be in. Perhaps I'm a special person that thinks outside the box, that needs to find those special friends who are more like me in that way. And I don't want to put the people in the circle down. They do lots of good here in the community and are very active. To put them down is to be my father again.

I'll think about all this as I jump on my bike and head up the Jenner. Ahhh, hopefully it'll be a good day for a bike ride ;)

Peace

Being a Mum

As I'm re-reading my Shantaram book and seeing how different people's live are to mine, I am reminded again and again of how lucky we are. How priviledged we are. How spoiled we are. But also, something i read yesterday, when in the Afghan war, boys, men were dying - their last thoughts were almost always of women... either their wife, or their Mom. Then I recalled the same thing when I read some other books about war - Birdsong comes to mind. We (Mom's) have such a profound effect on our kids, especially our boys. Which leads me to think that I need to be so much less hard on Will and just accept and love him. I mean I do, both, but I get so picky with little things and I find myself yelling at him and just getting frustrated and short with him. If I can't stop doing that and just love him, hug him, praise him and really listen to him (of course he has to be discipline, but in a more loving manner), then I know I will definitely look back on that with regret. He's five now and I know that he has a wonderful life and he knows how much we love him and for the most part his day is filled with fun, but we are, also, sometimes just too hard on him. He's five. And he is a wonderful wonderful little precious boy. I must remember that and make that my new habit. To give him love, kissess, cuddles, laughter each day. And to overook the annoyances and little things he does wrong. And when he does need to be disciplined, to do it with love, not anger. That's it. Today is a day of love, happiness, forgiving and acceptance. Hopefully every tomorrow is that way too!

Developing your own image

No, not on a camera. Thank goodness, we haven't had to do that for years now. I remember back in University, having to develop my own pictures. It was actually kind of fun, but you needed to have your own darkroom, which was just a bit out of the realm of possibility for a college student. No I mean the image that you portray to the world. I forget how I look and how I come off towards other people and I think that is one of my biggest problems when meeting people, making friends and leaving a good impression. I'm tall, blonde, athletic and a bit shy, so I think that all rolled together makes people think that I'm very conceited. I'm not. I also don't have a sense of style so I buy whatever I like at that particular point in time - but it leaves me with too many clothes that don't match. Yesterday I was looking over pictures of me in the past few years and there are definitely things I like myself in and ones I don't. But one stood out for me. And it was a very casual picture of my in a white t-shirt, my hair back in pig tails, a beady type necklace and casual pants. It makes sense. I'm a very sporty person and I don't mean a sporty person that has no style, because I think that is what has gotten me into trouble in the first place. I was/am so against labelling people (she's sporty, therefore she doesn't wear makeup or dresses) that I went too much to the other side. But I'm not the flowerly girly type (to a certain extent) and if I have to pick a style - which I think I do, since I hate shopping and I have no place for my clothes, then I pick kind of a beach-bum sporty casual style. Jeans and a t-shirt, nice, clean, can even be stylish, but that's what I like. Now if I can just figure out the rest of my image. I think one thing I have to always remember in social situations is how I appear. I appear (the european in me) very self-confident, tall, pretty and peope will notice that before they notice how nice and friendly I am. Part of that is their fault and nothing I can do about it, but I think I really need to listen and pay attention to peope more. Rather than try and relate to them when they tell stories and tell my own, just listen, really listen and look. I so often forget that I've met someone or can't remember what they look like, or even their name and that's just wrong. So stop, look, listen ;) And get rid of some clothes!!

'Spring' in my step

Spring is here! Although you wouldn't be celebrating yet if you lived where I do (Canadian prairies). It seems to have come for about a week and is dissapearing again. But as a true Canadian (not yet, but I've lived here long enough I feel like one), you get outside at any sign of snow melting and sun shining. And that's just what I did today. I don't know if it's that big rush of Vitamin D soaking into my skin (doubtful, I was wrapped up pretty well), or the fresh air, but I got a 40 minute road ride in and I feel excellent! 40 minutes for me is definitely a short ride, but anything's better than being cooped up in the house all day. Now I'm ready to tackle the world, or at least my homework. I'm not a fan of US Capitalism and I'm not a fan of big companies, advertising campaigns (waste of money), etc. etc., but for once I have to say that I really like Nike's "Just do it" slogan. There was a real genius there. Simple, so simple, yet so profound. I say that to myself when I'm trying to get up the motivation to do the things I need to do (ie., my homework, the dishes, a road ride, etc.) and then I think, 'just bloody do it!' It's so true. Once you've started something, it's almost like - what theory is that, kinetic energy or something, an object that is set in motion will remain in motion until some force is put upon it (usually gravity). Once I've started, I'm gonna finish, I'm sooooo not a quitter. Maybe that's why I find it hard sometimes to work up the motivation. Something else a friend of mine said once when she was working up the motivation to go to the mountains for a long hike, but was just plain tuckered out and low on energy. "Not once have I done some sort of physical exercise and regretted it. Not once have I said to myself, 'Why did I go and do that when I could have just stayed home and watched TV'" She's so right. I never go for a run, or to the gym, or on a hike, or anything physical and then think ' that was horrible, I'd wish I'd never done it.' It's so not me. So I think of those two phrases or ideas when I need to garner up the motivation to do something. Just do it and then you won't have any regrets. 'Nuff said.

Rewrites

I hate it when that happens. I finish my blog for today (which was quite witty... really) and then it wouldn't save because I mistakenly had both computers on and one was open to the blog page already. Thing was, it didn't let me go back and copy or save it, just erased all those witty and clever remarks I had made. Such a shame. In actuality, it wasn't the best blog. It was about new habits, my three to-do items today, really just housekeeping and boring stuff. Maybe my blog was doing me a favor by erasing itself! But now it's got to be short and sweet as I have an overtired 'princess' on my hands. Time to do one of my three to-do's. Go for a run/walk. Then finish a nutritional assessment and do 10 minutes of breathing/relaxation. Yeah, yeah, we breathe all day - don't be a smart*ss! Ciao!

What a slum can teach us

I'm re-reading the book Shantaram, which had a profound affect on me the first and just as much again this time. My son is older and now we've got another child as well, and I keep thinking about how much we have, how much they have, how much we consume in food, gas, electricity, water, etc. I've showed my son pictures and a video clip of, I believe, the world's largest slum in Bombay (Mumbai). It is being said now that this slum can teach us a lesson in how to live together in a crowded city. Apparently there's very little crime, they recycle all the trash and are, generally, very happy people. Will even mentioned that as we were watching the video - 'they are all smiling and looking like they're having fun'. I certainly think most of us (including our family, of course) could stand to downsize and live on less. I'm even starting to see, now, how that could simplify our lives and make us happier. One - we could live on less of an income and not have to rush around so much. Two, we'd have less space to clean, less things to put away, less bills to pay. Three, we'd spend more time with eachother or outside being creative. Four - and this is my big one, there'd be less frustration when we knew we had something, but couldn't for the life of us find it. Or it broke. It is, however, certainly convienent to have something at hand rather than having to do without or rent it (bicycles, skis, backpacks, sports equipment, sturdy winter clothing, etc). But where do you draw the line?I mean most of the families living in the slum have one change of clothing - or two. Less to clean, less trouble matching clothes, less closet space needed. BUT, what happens when it gets cold, or rainy or you just get tired of wearing the same piece of clothing day in and day out. But back to the slum as a social system that works well. In Shantaram I read about a man that was beating his wife. He was dealt with by his neighbors and elders and family members and it worked. He stopped drinking, he worked hard to gain back the love, trust and acceptance of not only his wife, but his family, neighbors and peers. It was a social justice system and it worked quite well. People genuinely cared for one another and if someone stepped out of line, they weren't labelled a criminal or 'bad guy', but they were made to understand what they did and how it affected the community, and then they were given a punishment appropriate to what they'd done. To finish, my son said something wonderful when I told them that these people had nothing, the children didn't even have any toys. "wow, mom I have hundreds, I could give them some of mine" Awwwww

Perfectionism or laziness?

I received a test paper score back. Well sort of a test. And I didn't do that great. And I haven't been able to concentrate on anything else since. Granted, it was only a few hours ago, but it's nagging at me. All through my lunchtime swim I thought about it - and I cut it short because I couldn't concentrate on my swimming. What does that mean? I started out by being a bit astonished that I'd done that poorly. Then I reviewed it and the emotions turned to ... annoyance a bit that she'd scored me based more on opinion than fact and the way she would have written it, not the way I had. Then that gave way to self-pity that I'd have to rewrite all my other assessments (tests) so that I could better my score. Which finally gave way to impatience. When will I have the time to do it. I wish I could do it now, but I've got a 9month old baby who requires my attention. Finally I'm stressed about it, but optomistic because I've figured out why she scored me down and how to remedy it, but the task of going back over the others makes me feel. .. well, a bit tired. So, does that make me just any old normal person, an over achiever, a lazy person or what? Actually, instead of writing this post, I should be working on those assessments, but the thought of hard work makes me tired already! However, years ago, I wouldn't have had the thought process to get me to where I am now. I would have stressed about it, got angry at the teacher and then done a half-*ssed job to finish it up. Now I'm still stressed about it, but I've thought it over, figured out where I went wrong and developed a way of righting that wrong (I'll work on 1 assessment a day and have them all done in less than 2 weeks). If I have a plan that is executable and doesn't put too much added stress in my life, then I can be happy and not dwell on this for the rest of the day. Now time to go enjoy my cute little daughter!

Energy

Do you think we all have less energy than we did years ago? I don't think so. I know everyone goes around talking about how tired they are (esp. on Facebook), but step back and look what we're trying to cram into a 24 hour day. Sleep usually is what's leftover time-wise after everything else has been done. AND we're still addicted to TV, so we tend to watch that later as well - 11pm or so. I say this as my husband lays in front of me napping on the bed. Me - I don't work, I'm a stay-at-home Mom and so even though I'm busy, I'm not trying to be supermom and I don't stay up to watch stupid TV shows - so no, I don't think I've got less energy than anyone did years ago. Think about it - does both of you having full time jobs make your life easier because you've now got more discretionary income, or are you burning the candle at both ends trying to get to the gym, drive your kids to school and pick them up and drive them to their sports/scouts events, and then make dinner, clean the house, get the kids to bed, feed the dog, do your bills, watch some TV and then collapse into bed? Have I forgotten anything? Oh yeah, when do you have time to do the shopping, organize vacations or weekend events, talk to friends, check your Facebook and email, etc. etc. And that's not even the really busy person who scrapbooks and makes all their breads and cakes from scratch, volunteers on the parent council and does the gardening. I'm getting tired just writing about it! And here I'm happy to put three or four things down on a to-do list to accomplish in a day! I've got it good 'eh? No diamond rings or brand new cars or iphone, but I tell you - I don't miss it one bit if I have to give up spending days with my baby and being able to walk my son to and from school. My husband is probaby quite happy not to do much housework and have a nice homecooked meal. Excuse me now, I have to go kick my husband awake ;)

Gadget girl?

Even though my 'career' was technically in the gadget type sector (accounting and system administration) and I know my away around computer hardware and software to a certain degree, I really am not a gadget girl. Especially in the last year or two. The stuff that's come out is astounding. We've gone from laptop computers and cell phones to Ipad, Ereaders, Ipods and Iphones. Have I missed anything? I have to hand it to Apple, though, they went from nearly history to a bigtime frontrunner in the gadget game. However, I resisted and resisted and just last week I went out and bought an Ipod touch. We did already have a regular old Ipod for listening to music, but I couldn't resist a sale - and they were having one on the Touches. You know what? I love it! Now I see the draw to that darn Iphone. Everything on one little phone. That's what I like! No longer do I need to take my camera, my laptop and my MP3 player with me - it's all in one place. I can see it being addictive as well, and I'm trying to steer clear of that. Problem is, my kids love it too - especially my 9 1/2 month old! What is astonishing is that when they're older - say in their teens, they will have experienced things that were never ever even a thought in my mind when I was their age. Already my son knows that you can take your phone everywhere with you. We didn't even have cordless phones when I was his age!! Not to mention computers. We had good ol' typewriters. He won't even know what that is. Yes, it's amazing and just a little bit scary. The scary part is that it's advancing so quickly. What will they think of next? Well it won't be long before they will think of something bigger, smaller, better, faster. Should I keep up, or should I stay out of the game and be my old 'green girl' self? Maybe I'll go the middle road - there's no way I'm going to give up my new Ipod touch ;) Who knows, in a year, MAYBE I'll upgrade to an iphone, or whatever new gadget they have. I even toyed with the idea of getting an ereader. Imagine that - no more real books. Funny thing is, someone said that when they were reading their book, they 'turned' to the last page having no idea that they were at the end of the book. Ereaders don't have 'thicknesses' - they do have page ## of ##, but she wasn't paying attention and the ending caught her by surprise. Never would have happened with a real book. I'll stick with the real books for now. Also, how long till my three weeks are up and I've created a habit?? I'm aching to get to my next one!!

Blah blah blah blah

Maybe because my father can take over a conversation and pretty much run it into the ground and that over the years I have found myself, on occasion, doing the same, especially about a subject which is just completely uninteresting, but I've found that recently I just can't tolerate people that cannot seem to understand what a conversation is. They seem to think it's some on-sided monologue in which they expound in intricate detail, every aspect of a subject that really isn't that interesting. Worse yet are the ones who can do so, then go off on some tangent AND find their way back to the original conversation. I'm actually a little bit impressed by them. I also don't know how to handle these people. I've taken to interrupting them in mid-thought and almost summarizing for them. I'm sure that I come off rude, but in my mind I'm trying to 1) alert them that they're droning on and people are losing interest 2) show them that I am in fact listening, albeit not for much longer and 3) show them that we have similar experiences and interest (ie steer them back to the conversation part of the monologue). It doesn't really ever seem to work. So what should I do? I feel it more rude to interrupt and say that I have to go, but what options do I have? It's really been a bit of a puzzle for me as there are a few people in our little village that suffer from this problem. And I feel for them because as I said earlier, I've suffered myself from this. I realise it later when I recall the conversation and think 'why the hell did I go off on that tangent, no one cares!' I wish someone had been there for me, interrupting and alerting me of my selfishness in the conversation. Seriously there should be a sign that we can give someone to say 'wrap it up - let someone else have a chance', because I know I'm starting to come off as a bit of a **tch interrupting people's conversation, even if I have the best of intentions. I don't want to avoid these people, because they're usually very nice people and often very isolated, with no one to talk to during the day, thus the verbal diarrhea when they do meet people their own age (a lot of Mom's suffer from this). So if you're out there and you ever thought you suffered from this - give a think about some kind of word, phrase, signal that we can give each other to keep us from losing people with which to converse. In the meantime, I'll keep my mouth shut - even if I have to sing song lyrics in my head to keep myself from interrupting! taa

Drowsy day

I aways hate getting up on the days where my little girl hasn't slept well. And that seems to be happening more frequenty again. Is it time to 're-furberize' her? Problem is that we're in a smaller house with a funny layout so that if everyone gets their own bedroom, it'll put someone downstairs. Then when we have company we won't have anywhere to put them (we can of course re-arrange to have the two little 'uns sleeping together again). But anything is better than functioning on just a few hours of sleep a day. It makes me want my list today to be short and sweet and look something like 1) take a nap... and that's it! But I've got too much to do and if I want to get anything done I need to buck up and just do it. So what should I put for a list. Let's try and keep it simple today. 1) A's nutritional assessment 2) Ipod question for F.S. 3) walk the dog. There - that should be doable on 3 hours of sleep and maybe I'll even fit in a nap! Some music I find always helps. Turn off the TV, put on some music that makes you want to move and just get on with it! Oh wait, maybe I should get dressed first!! Toodalooo

Lists and life

I liked my list idea - in fact, I was over the moon with my list idea... each morning (or the night before) creating a small list of things i want to get done just for that day. A nice short, very 'accomplishable' list. Funny thing was - first list I created - with just 4 items, I managed to not do two of them - that's half the list!! I still felt like I accomplished something, one of the items on the list was just not possibe to do (order contacts - I called the place like 6 times, no answer) and then the other one I just plum forgot. But even though the first try was a bit of a failure, I'm not giving that idea up. This weather is messing with my moods. Up and down the weather goes. Right now we have sunny and warm and so I'm feeling pretty much that - sunny and warm! But tomorrow we're supposed to get snow again and that's just a plain bummer. So, what do I want to accomplish today. Let's try this again!! 1) Pre-prepare dinner for Will 2) Compare prices of Ipod touch from Future Shop and Canex 3) Vacuum (and mop the kitchen) 4) Weight lift/strength training 1/2 hour See, nice and simple (hopefully). Let's see if I can get this one done. As I was walking the dog (beautiful day for it) I realised that at 5 years old, Will is probaby at the best time of his life to enjoy playing and hanging out with him. He's old enough that he can do fun 'adulty' kind of things like bike riding and kicking a ball around and playing with legos, but still young enough that he actually wants to hang out with us! I need to take advantage of that this summer and really spend some quality time with him. The past few months have been a bit too much yelling and not enough having fun. I simply made a choice to stop yelling at him all the time, even if he was misbehaving and it worked. He misbehaved and I just talked to him calmly, maybe raised my voice a little or warned him, but everything calmed quickly and he was back to his normal, happy, helpful, wonderful little boy. Dave followed suit and we've had a much better time of it the last week or two. Will try and keep that one going as well. So on to list item #1 and a productive day!

Just your normal, average Monday

No crisises, no screaming non-sleeping baby, no winter storm warning in effect. It's just a typical, boring old Monday morning. Is that why I'm finding it hard to get motivated to do anything!? I think my next 3-week habit to form will be to write a list either every evening (for the next day) or the morning of things that need to get done that day. The list could be short (3 items: clean the bathroom, go running, do a load of laundry) or a long one, but I'm such a big fan of lists, I think it'll help me feel as if I've accomplished something that day. And I so have to stay away from books! I'm re-reading Shantaram. 900+ pages and I could just ignore everything and sit and read it all day. Not a good idea. So, dare I add another new habit to form before I've mastered this one? I mean, I'm not even a week into this habit. How about I make it a non-mandatory habit (voluntary, right?) and just make my list for today and get everything done while the little one is sleeping. I think it's a brilliant idea. If I wake up in the morning having had a horrible night's sleep, I can make a short list and I'll feel good for accomplishing anything. If I wake up feeling fantastic and ready to take on the world, I can put some more meaty things on my list and again, feel like I've accomplished a lot. It's a brilliant idea! Maybe I'll market it! Okay, here's my list for today. 1) Call Costco and order contacts 2) Do a load of laundry 3) Do an hour of spinning 4) Juice some veggies There. #1 shoud take no time at all which is why I put four on there. I can throw number 2 in right now while I'm on the phone with number one and I'm halfway there. Woohoo! Monday's looking sunnier already.

Jealous or just old?

Again, I live in a tiny village and so I know about all the coming's and goings on here. Mostly not because I live in a small village, but because of Facebook, and everyone's need to post hourly what they're up to. "4.87 miles on the treadmill this morning". Really? Who cares! Anyway, about 10 women have decided to go to Vegas for the weekend... wearing wedding dresses. Now these 10 women range in age from mid 20's to mid 40's. Really, are you not too old to be still seeking THAT much attention? Why else would you put on something so uncomfortable and messy (we've got about 3-4 more inches of snow, and as we all know, wedding dresses tend to 'drag' on the ground), if you are not completely and totally into getting attention from any possible onlooker. It might be fun and funny for about 10 minutes, but after that it's got to be just - well just a bit sad. Am I getting old - can I not see the fun in this? My answer - Vegas is fun enough without having to wear a wedding dress around and again, I think the only point is for other people to ask questions, point and stare and, oh yeah, don't forget take 1000 or so pictures. What happened to just enjoying ourselves? Am I jealous that I wasn't invited? I had to stop and think about that for a minute, because my first reaction is that there is no way I'd be interested in going to Vegas with 10 other women, and second - those particular 10 women, but then part of me thought, 'really, Vegas away from the kids for the weekend'. Still I can't come up with a yes, even a tiny little whisper of a yes. With my husband - I'd go in a minute. With a friend OR two, yup, but no way, Jose with 10 attention seeking peri-menopausal and barely out of diapers girls. No thank you. If that's me getting old, I have one word - WOOOOHOOOOO!!!