Wednesday, 13 April 2011

Perfectionism or laziness?

I received a test paper score back. Well sort of a test. And I didn't do that great. And I haven't been able to concentrate on anything else since. Granted, it was only a few hours ago, but it's nagging at me. All through my lunchtime swim I thought about it - and I cut it short because I couldn't concentrate on my swimming. What does that mean? I started out by being a bit astonished that I'd done that poorly. Then I reviewed it and the emotions turned to ... annoyance a bit that she'd scored me based more on opinion than fact and the way she would have written it, not the way I had. Then that gave way to self-pity that I'd have to rewrite all my other assessments (tests) so that I could better my score. Which finally gave way to impatience. When will I have the time to do it. I wish I could do it now, but I've got a 9month old baby who requires my attention. Finally I'm stressed about it, but optomistic because I've figured out why she scored me down and how to remedy it, but the task of going back over the others makes me feel. .. well, a bit tired. So, does that make me just any old normal person, an over achiever, a lazy person or what? Actually, instead of writing this post, I should be working on those assessments, but the thought of hard work makes me tired already! However, years ago, I wouldn't have had the thought process to get me to where I am now. I would have stressed about it, got angry at the teacher and then done a half-*ssed job to finish it up. Now I'm still stressed about it, but I've thought it over, figured out where I went wrong and developed a way of righting that wrong (I'll work on 1 assessment a day and have them all done in less than 2 weeks). If I have a plan that is executable and doesn't put too much added stress in my life, then I can be happy and not dwell on this for the rest of the day. Now time to go enjoy my cute little daughter!

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